Friday, December 24, 2010

love never fails...


Love is not proud
Love does not boast
Love after all
Matters the most

Love does not run
Love does not hide
Love does not keep
Locked inside

Love is the river that flows through
Love never fails you

Love will sustain
Love will provide
Love will not cease
At the end of time

Love will protect
Love always hopes
Love still believes
When you don’t

Love is the arms that are holding you
Love never fails you

When my heart won’t make a sound
When I can’t turn back around
When the sky is falling down
Nothing is greater than this
Greater than this

Love is right here
Love is alive
Love is the way
The truth the life

Love is the river than flows through
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love is the place you will fly to
Love never fails you

selfish love... unconditional

Love without change is not a relationship its just a ritual... Love without sacrifice is just religion...
What is love?
It is patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, is not proud, it is not rude or self-seeking, it is not easily angered and keeps no record of wrongs. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always preserves...
Without a relationship with God you cannot know truly know what love is and without love you cant really know God. If you love God by the worlds standards your love for him will be selfish and prideful and it wont be LOVE at all...
To show true love you need to be willing to sacrifice and change. And these changes should come out of love not because you feel required or out of duty.
When your heart is right and you do this out of love, the sacrifice is less painful and God blesses it.

Living in this world its so easy to forget what love truly means, even as a christian and even though I do know what love really looks like because this world is so wicked and self centered, love quickly gets replaced with selfish ambition, pride, lust or jealously.

Loving another person with Christ like love can be very difficult sometimes. Its so much more than just emotions running rampant, showing someone unconditional love is showing them the patience,joy, peace,  kindness, goodness, gentleness, and faithfulness that God shows us everyday. it is definitely a challenge and something we all fall short of doing often. But that's why having a personal relationship with God is so amazing because slowly as we grow closer to God we become more and more like him and that's such an amazing thing because Gods love is overwhelming and so faithful and sovereign and beyond anything we could ever reach but a standard we should strive for daily.

I write this on Christmas Eve one of my favorite nights of the year, usually filled with family and friends, laughter and yummy food. The Eve of one of the most important days on earth, the day God gave earth the greatest expression of love, the birth of Jesus given to us to bring salvation and redemption of the world :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

remember when...





christmas 2008

Micah rockin his african shirt

80's Night
decorating Jesus' birthday cake

Thursday, September 30, 2010

summer 2010 memories...




summer...acceptance into the LPN program... Esther's 1st birthday... Prescott conference: awesome week filled with friends and god settling my unstable foundation...Bethany getting engaged... Debbie's wedding!... going blond... a multitude of beach days... nickerson campfires... rope swings... hot air balloon festival... ballet lessons... joy and peace finally restored... Lindsey and Ashley moving to the cape... morality parade/celebrate America... moving home... Rochester trip!... museum of play... Niagara falls... Jacksonville...













Flawed Perfection...

Created in the image Christ... This fact is overwhelming. God is amazing, loving, perfect... indescribable. 
    God loves us so much he created our very essence to be like him. Even as a perfectionist I'm so flawed when it comes to being Christ like. I think sometimes in the effort of being "Christ like" we get more distracted on the being perfect part rather than having the heart of Jesus. Sometimes when were good at following rules we focus on that and drift away from the reason behind following certain rules which is our love for God. 
   Its so frustrating how easy it is to get distracted! I have a confession to make, I started nursing school school exactly one month ago and since then my quiet time with God has taken a beating. With full time school, clinical, early mornings, multiple exams a week and endless hours of studying I can honestly say I have been distracted and I didn't even realize it until two days ago when I opened up my one year bible (which was hidden under a mound of books in the back seat of my car) and the bookmark was still in Sept 30, I couldn't believe it, I was like have I really not read my bible in a month!?   
   Realizing this brought clarity to why Ive been so unsettled in my spirit and grumpy. I kept assuming it was stress from school which is probably what the exhaustion is from but not all the other emotions Ive been feeling.
   Of course on the outside I look like Ive got it all together and physically my actions and life haven't changed at all but on the inside Ive been an emotional mess and overwhelmed by everything, it was like I couldnt get control but nothing was even out of control. 
   Lets just say Ive learned a valuable lesson from the most stressful month of my life... Don't get distracted, make time to stay close to God, remember we were created in his image so that's what we should strive for, to have his heart not just actions.
this has been an honest reflection... signing out now :)

Monday, August 16, 2010

1 year...

1 year...12 months...52 weeks...365 days...8760 hours...525600 minutes

      It goes by so slowly... it goes by so quickly... It's amazing what one year can do, change and bring about... These past twelve months have changed everything, it's been the most difficult, emotionally draining yet powerful year of my life... Ive been stretched further, pusher deeper and grown more than i ever thought possible...
      A year ago the plans I had made for my life looked very different from where I stand today... God opened some doors, he made possibilities where I assumed impossibilities... God also closed doors that I had been so sure he opened for me... When a door get slammed in your face it hurts, its confusing, and also frustrating when you keep trying to open it and its locked...
     This year brought me to my knees in a desperation like Ive never experienced before, I remember crying one night and telling God "I cant do this anymore! It hurts too much and I'm tired, soo tired of everything. I give up!" And God was like "you're right, YOU cant do this... without me you cant do anything... don't you see Ive been waiting for you to give up and let go so that I can step in." God used heartbreak to bring me to a place where I truly 100% needed him, for the first time in my life I wasn't strong enough... 
       It has been humbling and overwhelming to watch God begin to heal and transform my heart and bring such strength and faith from what I had originally thought to be unfixable...         
      Im excited to see what God has in store for the next 12 months and this time Im making no plans and just letting God take control :)

Thursday, June 17, 2010

faith proven...

Faith: to know without a shadow of a doubt the trustworthiness of something or someone...

   It's something every christian must have, it is what defines our beliefs... It is something I never gave much thought to, i mean I knew I had it because I'm saved... but it is something that  must be proven in our lives and will be at some point... its easy to proclaim how strong your faith is when everything is going perfectly, smoothly and our way... but  it is proven when we go through trials and everything falls apart and when you are still standing after its all over it because faith is what is holding you together, that is when you know you truly have faith, strong and true...

midnight talks...

   Don't you just love when you have a discussion with someone about something and then its preached on the next service? its so reassuring... It happened to me last weekend, Saturday night I drove a friend home and we ended up sitting in her driveway til 1 AM talking about... everything... about how important it is to not get distracted by petty things in life, to focus on the big picture... about being emotional dependant on God so life wont be such a roller coaster ride, which is something that is so hard for me. I'm a very emotional person, i feel things very deeply whether is love, hate, rejection, confusion, hope, pain, no matter what is it I feel it deeply which makes being emotionally dependent on God a challenge... we talked about being desperate before God, being so desperate for more... and truly trusting him so much where there is peace and joy and contentment in your life, that's hard to, its something Ive been praying for and do desperately want but to get all that again like I had before I know Gods waiting for me to let go, of the pain, fear, unforgivness, whatever is it that's holding me back from having all of God... About humbling yourself to gain qualities from others... how annoyances are sometimes just jealously... and not everything is going to be logical or make sense... And about getting so close to God that he is your focus which really does make everything else fade, its like ascending to another level where stupid things just don't matter anymore... having a Jesus heart...

       On Sunday Night Pastor Willams preached a sermon " If that same spirit..."

Romans 8:11 "And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you."

   He talked about how its all about Gods spirit being IN you, and if hes truly in you then you will be recreated... completely focused on God... addicted to Christ. How its not a one time event its a constant posture we need to be in and desire we need to have.

   It was encouraging to hear a sermon about things I had just been talking and praying about and struggling with... sometimes I feel invisible, like God doesn't hear me or gets sick of hearing to same prayers from me all the time... this sermon was kinda like a "Yes Lindsey I'm right here and I do hear your prayers, don't give up".

It might seem like such a little thing to you but to me it was exactly what I needed to hear :)

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Twenty Question Tuesday...

   So Traditionally It Five Question Friday but since I'm new to this blogging thing I decided to catch up with 20 question Tuesday. I promise to keep my answers short and interesting :)

1. If you could go back to college would you change your major? Or, if you were to go to college right now...what major would you choose?

When I graduated high school the thought of another four years of school terrified me, looking back now I have to laugh because in September ill be starting my 5th year of education outside of high school, so if I could go back Id just buckle down and do nursing school because honestly four years goes by a lot quicker than i originally thought...


2. What do you love most about your home?

Well I did just move back into my parents house and what I love most there is the kitchen, not because it always full of yummy food (which it is because my mom is an amazing baker) but I love how its cozy, and surrounded with orchids and always smelled delicious and is usually filled with family busy cooking or eating and laughing... for most houses the living room is where you hang out but in my house its the kitchen. And when I'm living on my own I love my bedroom, its my peaceful sanctuary where I do my best thinking... praying... studying... etc...


3. What types of books do you like to read (if you like to read at all)?

I love history and will read pretty much anything with a history twist either fiction or non-fiction, doesn't matter... i actually love reading in general and if you give me a book no matter what topic ill probably read it :)


4. What is the grossest thing you've ever eaten?


Id have to say bitter herbs (skuma wiki) in Kenya were the most disgusting thing my tongue has ever tasted, so so so bitter! uck!


5. If you HAD to be a character on a TV show, whom would you be?
 
Like specifically? hmm... this is hard... maybe Rory from Gilmore Girls or Izzie from Greys Anatomy...
 
6. What is your worst memory of your siblings?

I very clearly remember Sarah with her vicious nails scratching my across the face multiple times... very painful!

7. What was YOUR naughtiest childhood memory? (Must be something YOU did, no pawning it off on someone else!)

On the day before my Aunts wedding I decided to give my bangs a trim all by myself, lets just say I got very carried away with the scissors and when I had finished I had about 1/2 inch left to my bangs... I had to wear a hat to the wedding haha


8. Where do you like to go to relax?

My favorite way of relaxing is sleep... so usually my bed :)


9. What was the last thing you won?

hmm... Ive won quite a few things but the best was probably a car... I won it at my after prom party, the funny thing is I didnt even go to prom and I only went to the after prom party because I wanted to win the car... and I did! AND it was a jetta! (which is my favorite car). It was such a blessing!


10. If you could be on a game show, which would you choose?

im not really a fan of game shows but I guess Id be on "So you think you're smarter than a 5th grader?"


11.Is there something you've always wanted to try but just can't muster up the courage to actually do yet?

Yes... sky diving... I really really want to but at the same time my stomach feels funny just thinking about actually jumping out of a plane... someday :)


12. If you had $100 handed to you in cash, what would you spend it on?

a day at the spa :) selfish I know...


13. What was your favorite piece of playground equipment as a child?

definitely the swings... I love that feeling of flying and the whoosing sound they make

14. Do you prefer a sweet or hearty breakfast?

Im a breakfast girl for sure, I could eat eat for every meal If I had to and I love all breakfast food, eggs... bacon... hash browns... sausage.. pancakes... waffles... mmm I need to stop im getting hungry.


15. Are you a Neat Freak or a Messy Bessy?

 Honestly for a such an neurotic, OCD, organized person I can be pretty messy, but only with certain things... like clothes, there never where there supposed to be... and my car, its like a black hole, if it goes in itll probably never come out... seriously


16. Take your pick...date night, girls night out, or night out alone?

Well since I dont have anyone to go on a date with and I hate being alone I choose a girls night out :) Lucky for me thats pretty much every night of my life...


17.Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

Almost

18.What is your favorite flower and why?

Calalillies... they're simple, neat and beautiful


19.If you could go back in time, what advice would you give yourself?

Take more risks... dont be so afraid of the unknown... be careful of your words

20.Favorite ice cream?

soo difficult to choose one! coconut... mint chocolate chip... black rasberry

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Are you afraid of the dark?

          When I was little I always slept with a nightlight on, afraid of the dark and what might be hiding in the shadows. I think I was so afraid of the dark because its unknown, blind, full of mystery. If you know me you know im not one for surprises. I like to know all the facts, I like being well informed and i like knowing what to expect.
           I've since grown out of my nightlight phase and though I might not be afraid of physical darkness anymore... the unknown, the unplanned, the uncontrolled... still scares me. So when life doesn't go the way I think its gonna go, when plans get altered or dreams shattered I look out and suddenly my future becomes very dark... and scary...
       This is where trusting God comes in... As a control freak trusting God with my life is probably my biggest struggle... It always amazes me how my plans never seem to be part of Gods plan.  
      Speaking from personal experience when God says NO it hurts and its confusing... and its scary because once again everything gets dark. There were days I just wanted to scream "God what are you doing? I don't understand why! Don't you love me?" It took me a long time to understand the answer to that question is YES, God does loves me, more than I can even imagine and sometimes him showing his love means saying no to things I want or plans that I might have... I came to a point where I knew I had to make a decision,  I could get bitter at God for not giving me what I wanted or I could trust God that he knew what he was doing and believe that his plans were better than mine... I chose trust... as hard as it is sometimes God is so faithful, like SO faithful! Understanding his faithfulness gives me hope and confidence in God's plan, his timing, his promises...
             To him my future isnt dark at all! he sees everything and how it all works out, he just hasn't turned the nightlight on for me yet and that's ok because with God I don't need one :)

                                              So... Are You Afraid of the Dark?
       


Friday, April 30, 2010

craziest thing Ive ever done...

Im not sure where to begin with this whole blogging thing... so I decided to start with one of the craziest things Ive ever done...  I went to Kenya... This might not seem too crazy to you but if you knew me you'd understand this trip was a huge step out of my comfort zone... 
I was reading through an old journal the other day and came upon this entry

5/19/08... they say if you keep repeating the same actions expecting different results that's insanity. well maybe I am because that's what I keep doing! I complain about my life but never do anything to change it. I'm trying to figure out how me, someone who loves God, has lots of friends,a family that supports me, a job I love can be so lonely and frustrated with life. its almost like im stuck where I am, I want and know things im me need to change but I don't know what or how! Maybe I just need a change of scenery or something...   
     One month later I made the decision to spend 3 months in Kenya on a mission trip...

You might be thinking that's quite a selfish reason to go to Africa and yes you are right, when I first decided to go it was purely out of desperation for change but it ended up being so much more than that...
When I told people I wanted to go on a 3 month mission trip to Africa I usually got the same reaction "Oh that would wonderful" or "wow that would be quite an adventure"... I'm pretty sure no one thought Id actually go! Ive always had lots of things Ive set out to do and usually most never get accomplished... When the realization hit me that this was really going to happen I was ecstatic and utterly petrified. I'm not one to venture off alone in anything! never mind half way across the world and for three months! Id never been away home longer than two weeks. But despite my fears I knew this was something I needed to do and with that I began on an adventure of a lifetime...


When I say its difficult to put into words what Africa was like and how it changed me, that's an understatement... but im going to try. Kenya was... amazing... beautiful...humbling. Not really knowing what to expect when I got there, any expectations I did have were totally blown out of the water... Africa showed me how selfish I was, how cold and hard-hearted I had let myself become. It showed me how shallow my walk with God was. It was the first time I realized that I knew God in my head and loved him but hadn't really let him 100% into my heart. I was always good at following rules and looking perfect on the outside and since everyone else believed I had it all together I never took the time to truly search my heart and find out where I stood with God. The hearts of the Kenyan people I met convicted me so much, they had such a pure love for God, that wasn't based on the blessings they'd received or how much stuff they had.  They had next to nothing but were some of the most generous people Id ever met. Spending day after day in the Kibera slums gave me an entirely new perspective on life, it softened my heart and gave me a love for people that I had never had before. Being in Kenya and away from all the distractions of everyday life made me realize that at home I was always so busy with life and even ministry that I barely even had a relationship with God and didn't even realize it. Africa allowed God to break something in me and made himself so real and tangible to me, in a way I had never experienced before. We went there to serve people and bring them the gospel, to meet some of there needs, to bring hope and love and salvation but in the end God used them to restore my hope and love...
 Looking back now it almost seems surreal, like a dream... I thank God I was given this opportunity... It changed me, it changed my heart...In a way it saved my life :)
 


Welcome... my first attempt

well this is my first attempt at blogging.... not even really sure what this means, but im going to give it a try... Let me start by saying I have no expectations for this blog or any specific topic either... Just life... Everyday life, I figure that's a good place to start... 
I'm just like everyone else... I have hopes, dreams and fears... and im gonna write it all down... the bad with the good...the failures and successes... the tears and smiles...everything